Things That Are Acceptable In The Weight Room but Not In Real Life

The weight room is a beautiful place. It’s a place where you can find peace and escape from the real world and just lift heavy objects. It’s also a strange blend of personalities and styles, where what is acceptable in the gym is not acceptable outside its holy walls.

So to have a little fun I put together a list of 6 things that will make you immensely cooler and more attractive to the opposite sex in the weight room.

*Keep in mind this is my opinion, which makes it fact.

 Chains

It has been proven in many studies that putting chains on any lift makes you 67% cooler to any onlookers. Doing a deadlift? Throw some chains on it. Push ups? Chain it! Inverted row? Chain it! Car stuck in the snow? No! You don’t chain it. It’s not in the weight room, that ain’t cool.Chain pushup with rings_0

Wearing chains in public is not cool. You will look like a douche, unless your name is Mr. T. That is the only exception to the rule. So if you played on a TV show in the 80’s called The A-Team, then yes, you can wear chains in public. Other then that, don’t do it.

Bands

Bands are similar to chains but they are slightly less cool then chains but still pretty freakin cool. If you are to look at percentages it’s somewhere in the area of a 26% – 32% increase in badassery.

Where do bands look cool? In any big multi joint lift.

On the flipside bands can make you look less cool in any lifts where they are making an exercise easier, like pull ups. Sorry it’s a double-edged sword.

Bands were acceptable in public until someone lied to us for a decade about taking PEDs. Now I’ll never be able to enjoy bicycle racing like I once never did again. Bands in public are not so cool, anymore.

Chuck Taylor’s

A good set of sweet kicks can really set you apart from the rest of the crowd. One of the best shoes to do that with is the Chucky T’s. I don’t know if people call them that but I am a trendsetter. They’re different and they have no heel lift so they are great for deadlifting, squatting, and lifting activities.

cardboard Converse Chuck Taylor by Mike Leavitt

I will make an exception and say Chuck’s are OK to wear outside the gym walls. They are a great shoe to wear in any situation, just make sure you have two pair; one for the gym and one for the streets. Don’t be tracking your dirty shoes throughout the gym, that ain’t Chuck, that ain’t cool.

Water Jugs

Hydrating during a workout is a must, but how you do it is just as, or more important. You have to hydrate in style, and no I’m not talking about a bedazzled water bottle.

*Side note just found out that bedazzled is an actual word

You have to drink it out of something that says, “I make water my bitch, and I don’t care what you think”. Examples: a water jug, oilcan, gas can, sippy cup, ext. Anything that shows you don’t care what you drink your water out of as long as you get it.

Another upside to using a water jug is it’s hard to loose and they only cost 79 cents. It’s a win win. Also it makes me laugh every time I see someone drinking out of a water jug.

In the real world this will make you look like a tool. So stick with the regular water bottle.

Eclectic T Shirts

I love wearing and seeing people wear strange t-shirts to the gym. That can be a sweet power ranger t, a batman shirt, or my personal tie-dyed sea turtle t-shirt, it was a gift from my mom. Any shirt that you get and think, “I can’t wear that in public” that’s OK they are perfect for the gym.AAAAC460kv0AAAAAABKdpg

The shirt says, “I like to have a goodtime, but don’t care what you think about me, because I’m here for one reason, to crush mad amounts of weight.”

In the real world the shirt says just the opposite. It says something more like this, “Hi, I like to play D&D. I live with my mother and have three cats named Anakin, Artemis, and Thor, they’re my best friends”. Don’t do it.

Sweat Pants and Hoodies

The great part about the gym is its casual time all the time. Winter sweat pants and hoods, or as I like to call it a fitness tuxedo, summer time t shirt and shorts are OK. Wearing the fitness tuxedo is normal at the gym. I would not say this makes you look more appealing to the opposite sex but it does not hurt it either.

The flip side, it’s not so cool to wear outside the gym.

(True story)

I walked into a store before heading to work, of course strutting my tux. I heard one man say to another fellow man, “Ha, that guy must be on his day off.” I immediately went into a blood rage and told the two men nothing. I just kept my cool and continued walking, thinking that they’re just jealous that I get to wear comfy clothes to work and they don’t.

That’s how I found out that hoodies and sweat pants aren’t so cool outside the gym.

Those are my 6 tips on what is acceptable in the gym but not in real life. If you follow these tips you will be like catnip to the ladies, irresistible, in the gym but only in the gym. I can’t stress that enough.

Best

Josh Williams

Connect with me on Facebook and Twitter.

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Posted on January 31, 2013, in Humor and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

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